7 Days of Hell
by acidroses
Summary: Ron loses a bet to Draco, causing Hermione to become Draco's slave for 7 days. ^_^ Let the fun begin...
1. The Devil's Contract

Disclaimer: All this belongs to JK Rowling. Well, except the plot… which isn't much anyway ^_^

Summary: Harry and Ron loses a bet, Draco wins Hermione as a slave for 7 days. This is going to be fun….

Author Note: This story will be 8 chapters long. ^_^ One chapter for each day. I'm going to try to make Draco as evil as possible, but still have Hermione and Draco fall for each other… at the end anyway. ^_^ hahaha…

Chapter One: The Devil's Contract

   "I'm probably the best chess player in the whole of Hogwarts." Ron bragged loudly during breakfast.

  Harry and I rolled our eyes. "How would you know? You've never played with every single one in Hogwarts."

  "Don't be silly, Hermione." Ron said waving his hands at me, then at himself. "It's a natural instinct of geniuses. We just know."

  Before, I could tease Ron again. A cold voice interrupted our conversation.

  "Did I hear right? The weasel thinks his the best chess player in Hogwarts?" A masculine voice said snidely.

  I turned around. Of course, it would be him. No one else possesses such an annoying pitch.

   "Go away, Draco. You're stinking up the air." I said glaring at Draco.

  Draco ignored me and smirked at Ron. "Well, Weasley, today is your lucky day. I'm letting you have the privilege of playing chess with me."

  He smiled maliciously. "Of course, the loser will have to pay heavily."

  Ron stood up, slamming his fist on the table. 

  Boys, I rolled my eyes, they were always the dramatic ones.

  "I'll take you on, ferret boy!" Ron announced grandly. "The loser will have to be the slave for the winner for seven days!"

  Ron's eyes glinted evilly. "That's if you're scared, of course."

  Draco chuckled. He turned to Crabbe and Goyle. "Did you hear that?"

  Draco smiled wickedly at Ron. "I thought I heard your teeth chattering."

 And so, the "grand" battle of chess was to be played at the end of the classes, at the Great Hall.

  It was so childish and silly, really. I tried persuading Ron and Harry to cancel the match.

 Of course, they won't.

 It would hurt their "manhood".

  Well, I've given up on changing their mind. Their as stubborn as oxes.

  And it's not like, it's going to affect me anyway.

  Right?

  The whole school had heard about the "Great Chess Battle of the Century", and the Great Hall was filled with students. Mostly from Gryffindor and Slytherin.

  "Ron, are you sure you want to go through with it?" I asked Ron for one last time before the match started.

 Ron glared at me. "As a best friend, you could be more supportive."

  "Well, I just want you to know the seriousness of the bet." I said.

 Then added quickly, "Of course I'm not doubting that you wouldn't win."

  Ron smiled. "Of course. The game's in the bag!"

  Draco smiled smugly. "Checkmate."

  Ron looked flabbergasted at the chess board. 

  I was as shocked. Although I always teased Ron about his pride in being No. 1 in chess, secretly I did believe that Ron was the best.

  Oh my god. Draco had beat Ron!

 I shook my head. It would be a big blow to Ron's "manhood".

  Well, at least Ron would learn his lesson.

   "I was careless." Ron said, angrily. "I will beat you if we have a rematch!"

  Draco smiled lazily. "Oh is it?"

  Ron nodded furiously. "Don't look so smug. You caught me off guard!"

  Draco yawned. "Very well. Let's have a rematch."

  Ron's eyes glinted. "Really? Great!"

  Ron started arranging the chessboard again, when Draco raised his hand.

  "Wait." Draco smiled. "I want to raise the stakes."

  "How?" Ron looked at Draco.

  Draco scanned the crowd. His gaze stopped at me.

 My heart skipped a beat.

  His mouth widened into a smile. "Her."

  "What? You want Hermione?" Ron said, taken aback.

 Draco nodded, he smiled maliciously. "If you lose, Hermione shall be my slave for a week."

  Ron paused for a moment.

  Ron, my best buddy! Use your brain for once!

  I gazed at Ron with all my hope. Surely, Ron wouldn't misplace my faith in him…

  Right?

 Ron smiled, nodding his head eagerly. "All right."

  I screamed. Not a very loud one, but a scream nonetheless.

  "No! I will not be a pawn in this ridiculous game!" I cried.

  Everybody was stunned, and looked at me as if I had gone mad.

  I was furious. I was not the mad one, Ron was the mad one!

  "Oh, I'm afraid Ron has already agreed." Draco smiled sweetly at me.

  I glared at Draco with intense hate. "In case you haven't noticed, Ron doesn't own me! It doesn't mean what Ron says, Hermione does!"

  Draco looked at Ron, shaking his head. "I'm afraid we can't have the re-match then, red-haired boy."

  Ron looked at me with puppy dog eyes. "Hermione, please? My golden sunshine."

 My golden sunshine? I glared at Ron, what kind of line is that?

  I shook my head, resolute. "No! Ron! I don't want to take part in this silly game at all! You can do whatever you like, but DON'T YOU DARE put me in this!"

  Ron sighed. "I didn't want to do this…"

  Oh no… I knew what Ron was going to do.

  "Do you remember when Harry and I saved you from the troll? And when you experimented with Fred and George's lab set to make new sweets? And how you caused an explosion and ruined some of their equipment? Do you remember how I…"

  "Blackmail!" I interrupted Ron's "how to make Hermione feel guilty" speech.

  Ron looked at me pleadingly. "Trust me, Mione. I will beat Draco so bad, he will have nothing left on him except his socks!"

  I sighed. "I'm holding you to that."

  "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Ron cried, shaking his head mortified.

  That was the exact response in my head.

  Ron had lost the game.

  Again.

  And this time, an even bigger loss.

  Draco laughed. "You make me laugh, Weasley."

  I felt weak in the knees, and Harry grabbed hold of me. "Are you ok, Hermione?"

  Draco turned to me, he smiled innocently, eyes sparkling with mischief. "Now now… don't get so excited." 

  He paused, looking as if he was pondering. "Now let's see what will be your first order."

  "Oh yes."  Draco smiled deviously. 

  "Call me Master."


	2. Symmetrical Ham and Other Nonsense

Hello! ^_^ Thanks so much for the sweet wondering comments. Really inspire me to write the next chapter!

I would like to dedicate this chapter to:

Sarah, Phoebe, Makura Koneko, Angel, catseye_dragon, darksamurai13, Lizzie, elijahsbaby1981, BAPFORLIFE, Slim-shady's-Modelling-Baby, Yiselle, TheSilverLady, laura, Sunshine Stargirl, May Malfoy, Culf, sgt pepper, Christina, bunch, aku-neko, Phoenix of Ravenclaw, Krissy, Soshila Dove, Fire Soul, T-Aye-ki, Moonlight Flower, AA Battery, Doobie, Lisa-Ann and Gandella Raye!

^_^ Thank you so much! I really hope you like this chapter!

**Author Note**:  ^_^ To TheSilverLady, this will NOT be a perverted thing as I don't like writing those type of things anyway! This is a children book afterall! And the characters are too pure for that! ^_^ So don't worry. But, this will be a Hermione/Draco, unless some drastic thing happens. I think they make a cute couple! Yes unrealistic, but I like them! ^_^

Oh, Hermione's life may seem easy at first. The tasks menial. But it gets worse… much worse… ^_^

Chapter Two: Symmetrical Ham and other nonsense

_He paused, looking as if he was pondering. "Now let's see what will be your first order."_

_ "Oh yes." Draco smiled deviously. _

_ "Call me Master."_

I paused for a moment. "Seriously, Draco. Are you born a jerk or one due to circumstances?"

  Draco laughed. "It's good you still have a sense of humour."

   His eyes turned cold. "You will need it."

 With that, Draco and his two minions walked away from the table. 

  "Till tomorrow, my slave."

  "Tell him that I don't want to talk to him." I said to Harry as we walked back to our Common Room.

  Harry sighed, he turned to Ron. "Hermione doesn't want to talk to you."

  "Tell her I'm really sorry." Ron looked pleadingly at me.

 "Tell him it's not his fault." I said coolly. "It's not his fault that he had to protect his ego."

  "After all." I added sarcastically, "We don't want him to lose his manhood now, do we?"

  Ron sighed. "I'm really sorry, Hermione."

  Then Ron perked up. He smiled. "But don't worry! I'm going to train real hard! Then challenge Draco again! And free you!"

  For a moment, I really thought I was going to murder Ron.

  "Harry," I said as calm as I could. "Tell that red-headed friend of yours that if he dares to challenge Draco again, make sure that I'm in no way related to it. Or he shall die a painful death."

  Harry sighed, and turned to Ron.

  Ron shook his head at Harry. "No need. I heard loud and clear."

   You know I love Harry and Ron. I would do anything for them. I would probably even risk my life for them.

  But being Draco's slave was another thing.

  I was seriously thinking in pretending the whole thing ever happened. Who cares if everybody calls me a liar?

  I sighed. Big-headed me do.

  Maybe I could just roll down the stairs and get amnesia. If I was lucky enough, maybe I would even go into coma.

  Compared to Draco, it would certainly be less painful.

   "What are YOU doing here?" I said in surprised as Harry, Ron and I stepped out of the Fat Lady's portrait.

  "Collecting you of course." Draco rolled his eyes. "It's never too early to dictate people."

  "Oh right." I sighed.

 I looked at Harry and even Ron. "Well, it was nice knowing you."

  Draco yawned. "Granger, don't be silly. I won't kill you straight away. I prefer long term torture. Much more satisfying."

  I mustered up the sweetest smile I could at Draco. "That was SO nice to hear. Just the thing every slave would LOVE to hear. No wonder you are such a hit with the girls."

  Draco arched his eyebrows at me. "Oh really? And I thought it was just the hair."

  For a moment, I almost smiled. Did Draco *gasp* make a joke about himself?

  But of course, I didn't. I was still sane.

  I bade a teary farewell to Harry and Ron, trying to waste as much time as possible. I didn't want to be with Draco alone.

  But, alas, all good things have to come to an end. And all bad things couldn't wait to start.

  "Finally." Draco rolled his eyes when I parted with Harry and Ron. "You think it would be the last time you saw those brats."

  I pretended I didn't hear that. "Where are Crabbe and Goyle? Your two other slaves?"

  "I gave them the week off." Draco smiled.

  He paused for a moment. "Hmm… what dastardly deed can I order you to do now?"

  "Are you trying to imitate a cartoon villain?" I laughed. "You really needn't. You do very well on your own."

  Draco pretended he didn't hear that.

  Seriously, if both of us continued pretending to not hear each other, we were going to become pretty deaf soon.

  "Wait." I said before Draco could open his mouth. "I'm going to make the terms clear to you."

  Draco arched his eyebrow. "Terms?"

  "I know I'm supposed to be your slave…"

  "Supposed?"

  I crossed my eyes. "Very well, I am your slave for a week. But there are many things I wouldn't do. Especially things that go against my principles and integrity."

  "For example, if I ask you to box Neville, you would say no?" Draco smiled.

  Draco had an interesting smile. Sort of a half smirk. As if he was thoroughly amused, but couldn't care to waste the energy to smile a real smile.

  "Hmm… but if for instance you ask me to box a bigoted jerk, I would consider it." I said. 

  I smiled sweetly. "I'm flexible."

  Draco smiled again. "Very well. I'm also very flexible. There are so many ways to drive someone mad."

  And so this was how Draco and I made it to the Great Hall, talking and basically just annoying each other.

  I was surprised Draco hasn't given me a horrible order. He was probably saving the worst for last.

   "Ahhh…" Draco said when we reached the Great hall.

  "Why?" I asked. "Did you just thought of the cure for cancer?"

  "I just remembered I have this monstrous pile of unwashed laundry." Draco smiled.

  "It doesn't matter. You can still wear them. It's not like you will smell any different." I said helpfully.

  Draco shook his head. "Those house elves never do the laundry the way I like it."

  Draco looked at me. I gulped. 

  "I think it's because they lack a feminine touch."

  "Me? Feminine? You are SO wrong. My nickname is the Shirt Terminator." I said quickly.

  Draco smiled. "Then it's settled then! I will get Crabbe to send you the pile of dirty laundry. I must add that the pile of laundry will also include Crabbe's, Goyle's, Tommy's, Roger's…"

  "And basically the whole of Slytherin?" I sighed.

  "No. I'm not that mean." Draco laughed. "I didn't forget to add some Ravenclaw laundry too. To add some spice."

  "That is so nice of you." I said dully. "One must never forget your compassionate heart."

  I grinned then. "I must say though, I'm disappointed. Laundry? Is that all you can do?"

  Draco smiled. It was a cold wicked smile. "My little slave, this is just for starters."

  I paused.

  Maybe I shouldn't have said that.

  "Granger!"

  I groaned. This was the fifth time.

  Draco was not going to let me sit down.

  "What is it this time?" I grumbled as I walked back to Draco.

  The students at the Slytherin and Gryffindor table were all looking at this little fiasco, and probably thought it was pretty funny.

  I would too, if it didn't happen to me!

  "I don't know. I thought about it, and the ham doesn't look symmetric to me." Draco smiled sweetly.

  "Why in hell would you want to eat symmetrical ham?" I cried.

  First, it was cut the eggs for me, Granger. Then it was, hmmm… I don't like raisins, take out all the raisins for me in this cereal. 

  Third it was I feel like eating peanut butter sandwich now. Oh and the rest of the table would like peanut butter sandwich too. You don't mind spreading 200 pieces of bread do you? Of course not!

  Oh, you finally finished. I don't like it now. I feel like eating ham. Cut it for me in perfect squares.

  "Trust me." I glared at Draco. "When it come out, it doesn't matter if it's symmetrical or not."

  Draco smiled pleasantly. "Now, Granger. Do I sense a temper?"

  "Maybe you should go eat your breakfast." Draco said sweetly. "I don't want you fainting when you carry our books."

   "Our" basically consisted of many Slytherins that I couldn't bother to remember the names.

  "Maybe I would." I said pointedly. "If someone would just eat their OWN breakfast in peace."

  Draco yawned. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

  And that was why I didn't eat breakfast today.

 But Harry and Ron were very nice, they wrapped a sandwich and passed it to me when Draco wasn't looking.

  I'm going to eat it when Draco *finally* goes to class.

  "Granger, if you continue at this speed, we will all be late for class." Draco said.

  "Malfoy, it's not as if I'm having the time of my life here." I said annoyed. 

  I was carrying about five people's worth of books, not counting my own. Needless to say, my arms hurt.

   "You are so weak." Draco sighed.

  "So are you going to help me?" I said, not at all of hopeful.

  Draco laughed. "Of course not."

  Miracles of all miracles, Draco and I made it for the class.

  I must be stronger than I think.

 "Goodbye. Thank god." I said as I dumped the books on Draco.

  I didn't even bother to turn around again as I ran to my own class.

  Draco shook his head, smiling as he picked up his books. "She's stubborn, but I'm going to break her."


	3. The Wink of Death

 ^_^ Before I start my dedication, I would like to say a BIG HUGE ENORMOUS thank you for all your reviews… they give me inspiration for this chapter! ^_^ so keep them coming for faster updates! Heehee… Also I would like to thank all of you again for making me laugh and smile at every comment! Thank you….

  I would like to dedicate this chapter to:

  Me (not me! The person whose nickname is me), le.pacte.du.loup-garou, Sunshine Stargirl, Imperfectionist, Lisa-Ann, tomzgurl77, rarachie, some1, sierradogbaby, Katherine, lluna21, Makura Koneko, Tiani, Lina, malfoyschic,  hedwig7up, Gandella Raye, Toykobabe2040, Fire Soul, Dreaming One, Elven ice angel, beckie13, Wishing4u, herms fan, AA Battery, TheSilverLady, kriss, Doobie, May Malfoy, pottyaboutpotter, Amy, Venus725, padsfootknightingale, rae and 

hotsleekeyz-tfel02.

 **Some notes and thoughts : I totally agree Draco is not cruel enough. It's really my failure, I wanted to write a darker Draco who doesn't give a damn about anything at all. But somehow my Draco came out kinda smart-alecky!.... I'm a failure… anyway, I will try and improve! I'm going to try and show a different side of Draco… and I'm not going to make Draco some kinda of softie with a good heart, blah… that is so not Draco… so well… read on to see what kind of Draco he will become! ^_^**

  Oh, and will Draco break Hermione? Honestly, I won't tell you. ^_^ haha, but from what I plan to write, they are going to drive each other VERY crazy. Fun fun fun… ^_^

: ****

** Email Notification:  I just started this with my other fic, so if you want an email notification when there us an update. Either email me at decembi@yahoo.com with the subject 7 Days of Hell, or put *** in your review. ^_^**

K enjoy this chapter…

Chapter 3 : The Wink of Death

 "Just made it." I gave a relief sigh as I sunk into the chair next to Harry.

  I had ran all the way to Professor McGonagall's class and was so worried I would be late.

 Professor McGonagall doesn't take tardiness lightly – at all.

Ron looked at me guiltily. "Hermione…"

 I frowned as I took out my ham sandwich.

"I know you are still mad. And you have EVERY right to be. But I want to help you… please let me help you." Ron said in a small voice.

  I arched my eyebrow at Ron.

 "Well, I heard that you have to do the Slytherins' laundry."

  I nodded my head.

 "And Fred and George approached me. They say this is the perfect opportunity to get back at Malfoy! Imagine getting our hands on Malfoy's laundry!!!" Ron said excitedly.

  Harry nodded his head at me. "Malfoy deserves it."

  I looked at Ron with my "zombie" look. The one where there was absolutely no expression on my face and my eyes looked like they would suck every emotion out of the person speaking to me.

  It took me lots of practice in front of the mirror to get it right. I think I have about 60 percent proficiency in my zombie look.

  "Are you doing this to help me or just taking this as an opportunity to get back at Draco for humiliating you?" I asked coldly.

  Ron looked hurt. "Well, I admit that getting back at Draco is very appealing. But my first thought was to help you. Honestly."

  I sighed. Me and my weak heart.

  Honestly, I'm too much of a softie.

  My "zombie" look vanished. "Well, ok. I haven't forgiven you, but I will give you the Slytherin's laundry."

  Draco was so going to kill me when he finds out. 

But it was going to be ALL worth it.

Honestly, I couldn't wait.

Imagine… just imagine… 

Draco in a pink robe……

See what I mean?

Priceless.

   I quickly arched my head out of the doorway then back.

   Empty.

   No sign of Mr Evil.

   "What are you doing, Hermione?" Harry asked, laughing,

    "Looking out for Draco." I smiled as the three of us walked out of the classroom.

    "I swear I have this feeling like he is always over my shoulder." I shuddered.

    "You mean like now?" 

     The icy voice chilled me.

     I groaned and closed my eyes. 

         Damn it! Damn him!

         "So nice to see you again, Granger. It's nice to see you are always looking out for me." Draco smiled at me as he stood beside me.

        Harry and Ron gave me an "I'm so sorry" look and quickly disappeared.

       "What do you want?" I scowled.

       "Now, now." Draco smiled. "You don't want to frown too much, it makes nasty wrinkles all over your face. And you don't want more do you?"

      "Thanks for your beauty tips, Draco." I smiled back just as sweetly. "I know how much you need them."

      The tips of Draco's mouth seemed to widen. "You are a feisty little girl, aren't you?"

     "I try my best." I gave a sweet diabetes-inducing smile.

   "Now if you don't mind." I said. "I have to get to my next class."

   "Honestly, it's so hard to get good slaves these days." Draco sighed. "Nowadays, slaves think they should get an education."

   I had a strange urge to violent stomp on Draco's foot. But I controlled myself.

   "Ok. I'm going to say this again. Because I know your brain is slow at processing things. What do you want? What can I give you to make you _go away? My heart? My brain? My lungs?" I cried exasperated._

  Draco did a small pout. "Oh, you hurt me, Granger."

  Then he smiled wickedly. "I just want to tell you to give me a sample of your penmanship."

   "What for? You want me to do your homework?" I looked at him in disbelief.

  Draco snorted, as if offended. "Of course not! You are too stupid for that."

  "Well, that's strange then." I pretended to look thoughtful. "Since I get better marks than you."

  Draco gave a twisted smile. "Just get ready one by dinner. You could write, Draco is the most perfect human being in the whole wide world."

  Draco turned and walked away. 

  But not before he winked at me, "Ciao, darling."

  Oh my god. I think I have just gone blind.

  "My, you seem to be in a good mood today." Pansy smiled.

  Hmm, I guess torturing Hermione does wonders for my skin.

  "I know I would be in a better mood if you go away." I smiled coldly.

  Pansy gave a dreamy sigh.

  Honestly, the worse I treat her the happier she gets.

  Girls are so weird that way.

   "So I will see you later ok?" Pansy gave a big grin and skipped off.

   Maybe I should be nice to Pansy, hopefully that would turn her off.

  I walked towards my seat between Crabbe and Goyle.

  Crabbe and Goyle were busy making a list of things I should ask Hermione to do.

  I couldn't believe it, but Crabbe and Goyle actually had a brain.

  They really outdid themselves this time.

  I don't know whether I would ask Hermione to do all the tasks…

  You see, I found out something strange about Hermione.

  The better I treat her, the more horrid she feels.

  If you still don't believe me when I say girls are the strangest creatures on planet Earth…

  Well I rest my case.

   "Hermione, stop it! You are slaughtering the paper!" Harry cried as he grabbed the pen from my fingers.

   "I can't slaughter the paper." I rolled my eyes at Harry. "The paper is already dead. I can't kill something already dead!!!"

  "Honestly, Hermione, you were like a raving murderess." Ron said.

  Ok, how should I start?

  I was writing out a sample of my "penmanship" to Draco and each time I went crazy, practically murdering the paper because I was so mad at Draco.

  "I can't help it. Each time I start writing, I see Draco's face and I feel like scribbling all over! Poking the paper to death!" I gasped. "Oh god, Draco is slowly turning me crazy! I can't let him affect me this way!"

  An image of Draco winking at me as he left flashed before my eyes again.

  Oh god… I'm haunted.

  I shall be traumatized forever.

  I sighed and crushed the paper in front of me.

  I must do something…

  All of a sudden, I smiled.

  Ahhh… I know just the thing…

"AAchoo!" 

Pansy who somehow managed to sit behind me, cooed. "Are you ok, Draco?"

I frowned. "Fine."

I heard a thud on the floor.

Pansy had momentarily fainted.

I rolled my eyes, Oh please… for god's sake!!!

 Then I remembered the strange chill on my back a moment ago.

It was as if something really really bad was going to happen to me.

I gave a wide grin.

Oooh… I can't wait.


	4. My Puppy Named Hermione

Chapter Four: My Puppy Named Hermione

   I took a deep breath.

   Well, here goes nothing.

   Ron gave a relieved sigh. "Thank god, the lesson's over. I was on the verge of falling asleep…. And…"

   Ron's voice faltered mid-way.

   Harry just stared.

   I continued to smile at them with as much sweetness as I could muster. 

  "Yes?" I said in a voice that seemed to have sucked up too much helium.

  Harry looked at his arms. "I never thought I had goosebumps."

  "Oh what lovely goosebumps you have." I cooed as I gazed at Harry's arm as if it was a new born baby.

  Harry and Ron backed away from me. "Umm… Hermione… are you possessed?"

  I gave them a girlish giggle. "Oh, why would you say that?"

  Ron gave a small shiver. "Umm… I don't know. But you are giving us weird smiles, and you are talking in a weird baby voice, and…"

  "Oh my god." Ron gasped. "You have a crush on one of us… don't you?"

   I gave a small cough, and went back into normal Hermione mode.

  "Don't be silly, Ron." I rolled my eyes impatiently at him. "I'm just practicing my vomit-inducing Hermione."

  Harry gave me a weird look. "And why would you want to make people vomit at you?"

  "Only one." I smiled. "Only one."

"Draco?" Ron asked.

  I nodded my head. "The one and only."

 Then I looked at Harry and Ron eagerly. "What do you think? It was pretty horrible right?"

  "I was thinking, how Draco was acting all weirdly nice at me and why would he do that? Then it hit me, because Draco being weirdly nice to me makes me want to hurl. So maybe if I be weirdly nice to him, it would make him hurl and stop being weirdly nice to me." I beamed proudly.

  Harry gave a small smile. "Umm… that's a nice theory… but have it occurred to you that most girls treat Draco that way?"

 I paused for a moment.

 Drats!

 "Yeah. That's true." I frowned. "All this acting and fawning might just bounce off his super thick skin."

  Ron nodded. "Well, but it wouldn't hurt to give it a try."

  I passed all my books to Ron. Ron was going to be my personal slave while I was being Draco's personal slave.

  The three of us stood up and made our way to the next class. "Well, I guess. But acting all goo-goo eyes at Draco makes me pretty sick too."

  Ron started laughing hysterically all of a sudden. 

  "What's the matter with you?" I asked Ron, as I picked up one of the books he dropped on the floor.

  "Nothing." Ron said, trying to compose himself. "But… it just struck me. What would you do if Draco thinks you like him?"

  I immediately paled and then turned a sickly shade of green. "shgagsifhfpsfh."

  Harry froze and turned to face me. "What did you just say?"

 I beat my forehead. "Sorry, slight malfunction with the brain."

 I shook my head furiously. "Oh my god. That would be horrendous… Draco would be even more unbearable. And I don't think I would be able to live without a paper bag on my head."

  Ron laughed. "I know. It would be like that time when you got only 99 out of 100 for a quiz."

  I glared at Ron. "Who may I add is still in pending mode for forgiveness?"

  Ron zipped his mouth shut.

  "Besides." I added. "It was 99.5."

  "Is it dinnertime already?" I sighed.

  Harry and Ron gave me sympathetic looks. "Come on, whatever Draco asks you to write can't be worse than doing his homework right?"

  Ron laughed. "Then again, you do like doing homework."

 I gave a "not funny" look to Ron. "I don't know why, but somehow I have this really really bad feeling about what Draco is going to ask me to do."

  I looked at my palms. "Look, my palms are all sweaty."

  Harry gave me a pat on my back. "Don't worry about it. We will support you… but are you still going to act all nice to Draco and treat him like his an idol or something?"

  I took a deep breath of air. "Damn Draco to the lowest pits of hell, I'm going to do it."

  "Come on, the box is not that heavy." I gestured to Crabbe and Goyle to hasten their steps.

  Goyle gave a small scowl. "I don't see why Hermione gets to do it. But I can't."

 I rolled my eyes at Goyle. "Goyle for the umpteenth time! You actually enjoy doing it, but Hermione won't. And the whole idea is to torture her! Get it?"

  Goyle gave me a confused look but nodded his head. "Well, what if she actually likes it too?"

 I gave Goyle a smirk. "Trust me, if she actually likes doing it… I will shave my head bald!"

  "Ahhh… there she is." My smirk grew wider.

"Oh my god. Is it you, Draco?" Hermione gasped, flapping her eyelashes at a furious pace.

  I froze for a moment.

I turned to Crabbe and Goyle. "This is Hermione right? Not Pansy right?"

 Crabbe and Goyle both nodded. I turned back to Bimbo Hermione. "Honestly, I don't know what to say. Is there something wrong with your eyes?"

 Hermione gave a big wide smile, and then started talking in this weird high-pitched voice that really really irked me. "Ohhh… Draco… you are so funny. And the way you look at me through your beautiful silver eyes gives me the shivers."

  I actually choked.

 Somehow, the way Hermione acted really irritated me.

I don't want her to fawn over me!

I thought she was different.

Now, there was really no fun in torturing her.

I looked at Hermione bored. "Well…"

Hermione started laughing this really weird sissy laugh. "Oh, you are so hilarious, Draco."

I paused.

Right, the word well _must_ be the funniest word in the whole English language.

For a moment, I almost gave up.

There was really no fun torturing Bimbo Hermione… it was just like torturing Pansy.

No kick.

   And then I noticed…every time Hermione spoke to give a word of adoration, she would unconsciously bite her lips and when you actually look directly into her eyes, I could actually see tears.

  I almost laughed, but couldn't or I would give the game away.

  "Wow, Hermione. Your eyes have finally been opened to the greatness that is me." I gave Hermione a wide grin.

   Hermione took a big gulp. Her smile faltered. "Yeah, totally. Who can't see your… er… flashy blondness."

   Ahhh… that felt better.

  Hermione didn't like me. That was the best news of the day.

  "That's good, Hermione." I nodded my head appreciatively. "So have you told Potter and Weasley you have fallen hopelessly in love with me?"

  Her face totally froze.

  Life was still good.

  Ok, this was bad. 

 My worse nightmare has begun. Draco thinks I like him.

 I couldn't bring myself to smile. I handed Draco the piece of paper I have been holding in my hand. "The handwriting sample." I said in a very business-like voice.

  Draco took the piece of paper. He looked at it for barely five seconds and threw it to Crabbe. "Well, I guess that will do. Your handwriting is pretty manly."

  "Manly?" I cried indignant. "Your handwriting must be pretty sissy to call it manly."

 I then I put my hand over my mouth. Oops, that was certainly not a sentence of adoration.

  Draco looked unperturbed. He turned to Goyle. "Bring the box here."

  I looked at the box, it was just an ordinary beige box. What evils can it contain?

  "Ok, this is a big honour I'm bestowing upon you." Draco smiled as he gestured for Goyle to pass me the box.

  "Ouch." I cried and almost toppled over.

 The box was heavy. Really heavy.

 I looked into the box to see piles and piles of letters. 

 "Fan mail. " Draco smiled arrogantly. "And you get to reply every single one of them."

  "What? I have become your secretary?" I gasped.

 Draco laughed. "I don't remember promoting you."

 I glared at Draco as I put the box onto the floor. "Forgive me oh great one, but shouldn't you reply your own fan mail?"

  "Why should I when I have slaves to do it for me?" Draco gave me a sweet smile. "Crabbe."

  Crabbe came forward and passed me a file.

 "This contains 3 samples of replies you can write." Draco said, then raised his hand and knocked my head. "Since I know up here it's all just air."

  I refused to acknowledge that with a reply. Wordlessly, I opened the file.

  I looked at Sample no. 1

_ "Dear insert girl's name,_

_         I thank you for your great adoration and love for me. It's completely natural and probably the best thing to happen to you since you met me. In order to justify your undying devotion to me, I shall try my utmost in keeping myself in perfect condition. Although, I probably wouldn't have to since I'm really… perfect. Thank you for your fine letter, I shall frame it on my wall and look at it everyday. And think of you, wonderful sweet beautiful you._

_   Love,_

_   Draco"_

 "You don't actually expect me to write this do you?" I said, shaking my head in horror.

"Oh no! Before I forget," Draco turned to Goyle. "The stamp, where's the stamp?"

  The stamp?

 You mean there's more!!!

 Draco passed me a stamp and an inkpad. I looked at the stamp, it had Draco inscribed on it.

 "Just stamp this at the end of the letter." Draco said benevolently.

  "Oh yeah? Why don't you just make a I'm Draco and I'm an idiot stamp and send it to all your fans?" I said dryly.

  "Did you say something?" Draco inquired innocently.

  "Of course not, wonderful monster." I cooed.

 "Good, I know it would be inhumane of me to expect you to reply all these letters by breakfast tomorrow." Draco began, looking as if he was the most caring boss in the whole wide world. 

  Well, he would if the whole wide world only consisted of him and a cockroach. And even then, it would be a hard fight.

  "So I'm giving you till lunch." Draco beamed at me.

  "Have fun." Draco said and turned to walk away with Crabbe and Goyle.

  All of a sudden, Draco turned back.

 "Sorry, I forgot." Draco said, giving a I'm totally not sorry at all look.

  "Yes? Do you want me to write letters to mummy and daddy for you too?" I smiled pleasantly.

  "No." Draco said. "I forgot to do this."

  With that, Draco patted my head twice.

  Like a dog.

  As Draco walked away, I was seething with complete fury.

 Just you wait, Draco Malfoy! Just you wait!

I'm going to hit you back so hard, you wouldn't be able to eat solid food for weeks!

No, make that years.

Ok, before I start my usual dedication I must say that some people I might not be able to dedicate because their reviews were notified to me by email but somehow not shown in fanfiction.net and I didn't know and deleted the email, so I'm unable to thank them! I'm so sorry! ^_^ Forgive me please? I'm really sorry.

I would like to dedicate this chapter to:

Louise – hey I agree! I thought Pansy was quite bitchy and all, but I decided to make her more like a bimbo to suit the funny theme of the story. ^_^ Hey and Hermione and Draco teaming up against Ron is a very cool idea!

  Fairy-Lights – I'm rooting for the both of them to kill each other. ^_^ Haha… 

Rachel – thanks! Your comment is really sweet!

Blush – this was a fast update… right? ^_^

Strawberries and Blueberries – haha! It's pretty funny isn't it?

Toykobabe2040 – I'm so glad you like it!

Meriadoc / Celithrathien – Thanks! ^_^ That's really nice of you to say that!

I'm2stressed4exams – I'm so stressed for my exams too! Keep it up! ^_^ It will be ok in the end definitely!

Couch-potato01 – thanks! I'm glad you think it's funny.

Kriss – do you know I always like hearing from you? ^_^ You are so sweet, always leaving a comment.

Chocolat Elf – haha! Changing Tides is still my main baby. This is my destress fic. ^_^ Yeah, I'm too much a goodie-two-shoes to write an evil draco. ^_^

Suzanna – thank you so much! ^_^ My style of writing is pretty haphazard!

Keili – I hope you like this one too! ^_^

TheSilverLady – nice to hear from you! ^_^ Haha, yeah Hermione definitely wants to stomp on Draco's foot now!

Tabi – thank you! ^_^ hope you like this chapter!

Amy – thank you so much! It's means a lot that people like the draco I depict! ^_^

Justme – haha! I totally agree! But I like draco being ruthless to Pansy. I'm evil!

Fire Soul – that wasn't a cliffhanger! ^_^ So great to hear from you! You always review, you are really one of the sweetest!

Yuki Arashi – this is a fast update, right? ^_^

Lisa Ann – a wow right back at you! ^_^

She's A Star – Oh my god, you are so great. ^_^ I'm so happy that you like Ron in here, I thought I made Ron a bit sissy in here. ^_^ I like Ron and Hermione too, though less than Hermione and Draco…haha! The line about Draco's hair is my fave too! ^_^ thanks for reading!

Mystery gurl – yeah! I made you laugh! ^_^

Katherine – this chapter is definitely twice in length of the previous one! ^_^ hope you like it!

Kate – this is definitely faster! ^_^ and longer too!

Phoenyxstar – yeah, I'm glad I made you laugh! I'm always worried the story comes off lame!

Boy Crazy Magician Chick – thanks! ^_^ I will try to keep it up!

Nfq-babe33 – thank you! ^_^ I try my best.

AlienSmile13 – Hope this is enough! ^_^

LiNe – thank you so much! ^_^ hope you like this chapter.

Annita – and here's the next chapter! A super long chapter! ^_^

Ladyofthestars – thank you for reviewing! It's so nice that you have been reading my fic! ^_^

AlyBaby – aww thank you! I hope Draco will get funnier by the chapter, and more wicked! ^_^

Indil Elondili – haha! Yeah his a wuss and it's my fault! ^_^ But I will try to make him more evil. Sure, I will check out your stories! ^_^ Not straight away cos I'm busy, but definitely before the next update! ^_^

Gandella Raye – yes, it's true. ^_^ I love you so much! Haha, and just for you and all the other sweet people, a really really long chapter that hurt my fingertips!

Ardent Entity – cool nick by the way! ^_^ Thanks for your compliment!

Malfoyschic – thank you! About the spacing, when I type the spacing is NO way like the one in fanfic, but in order for me to upload I saved it in html format and the spacing becomes like that. I really don't know what to do with it, but I'm used to it. ^_^

Angel_kiss – hope you like this chapter!

Makura Koneko – cool! No one called my fic bouncy before! ^_^

Venus725 – good to hear from you again! ^_^ hope you like this chap!

Evil-fairy – haha! You really crack me up!

Lollylips3 – hope you like this chapter! ^_^

Quidditch-player-lova – hello! ^_^ It's nice to hear from you always. Yeah, Draco is darker and meaner here! ^_^ Hope you still like it though!

Sierradogbaby – and this is another dedication for you!!! ^_^  I will try to make Draco more evil!!

Crissy the Amazing - ^_^ thank you so much! I love Draco too! ^_^

Wolfy 65 – hope you like this chapter!

Red of Rose – glad you like it! ^_^ I saw your review for my other fic too! Well, what Ron will do will be fun… not very evil.. cos I'm a wuss. ^_^ haha


	5. Hermione Fights Back!

Chapter Five: Hermione Fights Back!

   "A present for me?" Ron grinned, waving his hand wildly over his open mouth. "Aww, Hermione, you shouldn't have."

   I glared at Ron as I awkwardly placed the box down next to the table. "Please tell me why I forgave you again."

  Suddenly, Ron found his peas very fascinating.

 Harry smiled at me. "Well, since I have done nothing to offend you. Am I allowed to ask why are you carrying around a heavy box?"

  "Draco just passed it to me." I said glumly as I poked my salmon.

  "Well, so it didn't turn out so bad after all?" Harry asked hopefully.

  "Of course not." I gave a bright smile. "It turned out a hundred times worse! Do you know what that horrible Malfoy ordered me to do? He asked me to reply all his fan mail with this!"

  I practically slammed the folder Draco gave me into Harry's face. "I'm sorry." I said as Harry opened the folder.

  Harry's eyes practically popped out of his sockets. "Oh my god, I thought such crap like these were banned a long time ago."

   Ron turned from his peas to look into the folder too. "Its times like these that make me wish I was illiterate."

  "Which reply are you reading?" I asked curious.

  "Number three." Ron said, as he passed the folder back to me.

   "_Dear insert name of fan girl who likes poetry here,_

_                                                                                     Firstly, I would like to thank you for the wonderful poem you have written of me. It touched my heart as I think of how inspiring I am to my dear fans. I have framed your poem on my wall, so I can read it before I got to sleep and when I wake up. Your poem is the first and last thing on my mind each day, and I congratulate you for having such great wisdom and taste to appreciate the beauty and wonder that is me. To reward you, I have written a poem just especially for you. And yes, I give you permission to frame it on your wall too._

_Love,_

_Draco_

_        I'm handsome, _

_        I'm rich,_

_        I'm loved by every witch._

_        I'm wonderful,_

_        I'm kind,_

_        I know I am so fine._

_        I'm clever,_

_        I'm cunning,_

_        I set girls' hearts a running._

_        I'm smooth,_

_        I'm suave,_

_        I can make any girl cave._

_        But sadly baby,_

_        It's time for this poem to end._

_        Don't cry, _

_        Don't weep,_

_        You will wake others in their sleep._

_        Just always remember me,_

_        The most perfect boy you see."_

     "Awfully modest isn't he?" Ron remarked as I finished reading reply number three.

     "You know sometimes when I speak to Draco, I can't see anything else." I deadpanned. "His head just blocks everything out."

  Harry choked on his salmon. 

 With tears in his eyes, he gave me a grin. "Join the club."

  Dinner was quite pleasant.

 Harry and Ron really cheered me up a lot and prevented me from bursting a blood vessel from thinking about the hideous task Draco had set me.

 Ron gleefully reported to me that Fred and George had joined his "Laundry Force" and had thought up many wonderful ideas on handling the Slytherin's laundry.

  The thought of actually having to wash the laundry before they can actually do anything mischievous didn't seem to bother them at all.

  "Ron, Fred and George! Stop pacing around the room." I cried. "Nobody is going to give birth no matter how much you paced. And Draco said he will send someone over with the laundry quite late in the night, so just be patient."

 Ron sighed frustrated as he sat down next to Harry and me. "I just can't wait. Fred and George have such wonderful ideas."

  "What ideas?" I asked.

  "Well for one, Fred and George had devised a way to make the robes change colour and pattern. It's really clever. Ok, picture this with me." Ron said, gesturing wildly to Harry and me. "They collect their laundry. It's perfectly clean and looks perfectly normal. They wear it and it's still normal. They come out of the dorms, walk around, and attend lessons. Then suddenly, boom! Their robes change into weird colours, for boys bright neon pink and girly patterns like roses, babies, you know the usual. And maybe we will make some that say Gryffindor Rules, I'm an idiot and Draco is nuts, etc. We will make their robes into something like a walking time bomb!"

  "I get what you are trying to tell me." I say to Ron. "But still, I don't quite understand."

  Ron looked at me patiently, he talked slowly and carefully. "Firstly, will the Slytherins wear the newly washed laundry straight away?"

  I paused to recall. "Well, I remember Draco saying that the laundry will consist much of their wardrobe and I think he said they would wear it immediately to check if I was competent. I think they would wear it tomorrow if you guys can get everything ready and sent to the Slytherins in time before breakfast."

  Ron broke into a wide grin. "Great! Because Fred and George told me that they can set the clothes to change at the breakfast in the Great Hall. Can you imagine all the slytherins wearing gaudy pink robes? They are going to be so horrified!"

  "How long would the effect last?" I asked.

  Ron paused. "I don't really know, Fred and George doesn't either. They said it's not really fully tested, but should last for at least an hour."

  "Well, it would be great even for a second." I said, then thought for a moment. "Maybe you could ruin some robes too. That would be too mean though. Well, just ruin some of Draco's robes. I think he have some kind of special label on his robes."

  Harry laughed. "How about making some robes itchy! Like with itching powder that will still itch even when they wash off."

  Ron gave an "hmm". "Great idea! We will work on it."

  "You know, Draco giving us the laundry is seriously not a smart thing to do at all." I said. "It's like going to the enemy and say, Here! I would like to give you ammunition!"

  I smiled. "Draco is going to be so mad!"

 With that, I left Ron on his own to think up of more evil ideas.

  I had work to do.

 To be more precise, I had some Draco Fan Mail to manipulate.

  "Harry, are you free?" I asked.

  "Yeah, just about finish this essay for Professor Snape." Harry said, looking up from his parchment.

  "Good. When you finish, would you do me a kind favour?" I smiled at Harry sweetly. "Just take this stamp and stamp on these papers and put it in the envelops here. I have already labeled them."

  I passed Harry the "Draco" stamp and showed him the writing papers Draco placed in the box and the envelops.

  Harry looked confused. "What is the purpose of this?"

  "No real purpose except I can't possibly finish replying all the fan mails so I will just send the fans a piece of paper with Draco stamped on it. I'm sure it's enough to make most of them swoon." I laughed.

  Harry nodded and smiled. "Though it doesn't sound fun, I'm up for it."

  "Good." I said as I took a letter from the box and prepared my writing pad and quill. "Now it's time to wreck some havoc."

   I scanned through the letter. "Dear Draco,… you are so wonderful… I'm in love with you… blah blah blah." I tossed the letter after three sentences.

  I started writing. "Dear Portia, I have a confession to make. I still wet my bed every night." I gave a wicked grin as I stamped Draco's name on the paper.

  "Ok next. Another Dear Draco, I love you." I shook my head. "Seriously, where is the creativity?"

  Quickly, I scribbled another reply.

   "Dear Darlene, I'm sorry to hear that you like me. Because I have no interest in girls at all. You see… I'm gay." 

  Satisfied, I stamped "Draco".

  "Dear Draco, I don't know how to live without you."

 I shook my head, another hopeless case.

  "Dear Yolanda, Seriously you don't know what you are talking about. I'm the most horrible person in the whole wide world, one second with me and you will start puking."

   And so, it went. 

   I actually had a great time tarnishing Draco's reputation. So far, I had made him a bed-wetter, mummy's boy, gay, someone really obsessed with ducks, someone scared of jellybeans and basically, a jerk.

  And don't look at me like I'm doing something wrong. 

  I'm just telling the truth. 

  As I see it.

  I paused for a moment when I reached one letter. It went like this.

  "_Dear Draco,_

_                        I don't know if you will ever read this because you are so popular and I know you have tons of fan mail. I just want to say thank you for helping me out when Pansy and the other Slytherin girls were teasing me about my new hairstyle. I wish I could say this to you myself, but I'm too shy and I stutter a lot. It's also really hard to get the chance you speak to you. I just want to say I think you are really nice and the sweetest boy I have ever known._

_Yours Sincerely,_

_ Megan"_

   In that case, she must only know one boy.

   Although I refuse to believe Draco actually helped someone out (it must be an accident or something), I found the letter really sweet. Harry noticed my pause.

  "What's the matter, Hermione?" Harry asked, stopping his stamping routine.

  "No, it's nothing." I said as I placed the letter aside.

  "You are not replying that?" Harry asked noticing my actions.

  For a moment, I was tempted to reply that letter.

  I wanted to tell that sweet girl how Draco is a terrible person and would make her life miserable and she should find someone more deserving of her.

  But I didn't. I took in a deep breath.

  "That one's special." I finally said. "I'm going to make Draco read that one."

  "Ok." Harry smiled and continued stamping.

  I pretended to read another letter, though I was actually thinking.

  Was I ruining all those girls' dreams of Draco?

 But they were false illusions anyway. I consoled myself.

  I sighed as I started writing another "gay" confession from Draco. I just hoped I was making the right choice.

 For the sake of all the "Megans" out there.

 This chapter ends on a more serious note than the others. Though not really serious, I wrote that because I thought that was a very Hermione thing to do. Hermione has a very big conscience, and although she's really mad at Draco, she still thinks about the consequences of her actions. ^_^ Well, the next chapter is incredibly fun to write. Because, a lot of very wacky stuff happens. I'm not going to say anything more so I won't spoil anything! 

  I hope you like the chapter and I would like to dedicate it to these special people:

**  Fire Soul, Strawberries and Blueberries, Tabii, Amy, Mystery Gurl, LayDe3 tR1n1ty, wolfy65, kaylakmk, Red of Rose, ~The Simon Cowell of Fanfiction.net~, Indil Elondili, AlienSmile13, Annabelle, Pendragon Sedai, Phoenix-Wings, sierradogbaby, Gandella Raye, Ezmerelda, Kiya Kideackiy, Katherine, Kelli, Mari, crazy, quidditch-playa-lover, Salem Cat, Snowbear, Ada, JDPhoenix, LoOkEn4CoFfEeGoD, sakura_angel90, couch_potato01, heavengurl899, AlyBaby, Crazie4DracoMalfoy, TokyoBabe2040, Lisa-Ann, gail olsun, Foxxie-Kitty, LiNe, Erica, Selita-Malfoy, krisleigh, Makura Koneko, eth and Sweetchick23!**

 Thank you so much! All your reviews were very inspiring and enabled me to update and write so quickly! ^_^ I can't reply everybody one by one because I have exceeded my computer time! I promise to do so next chapter…. ^_^ till next time…….


	6. The Final Act of Cruelty

I'm sorry for not being able to reply everybody's wonderful comments! I'm really too busy with my work, that's why this update is late. I'm actually suppose to be studying for my test, but spend an hour at least on this. Forgive for this EXTREMELY long chapter ok? It's like double the length of Chapter 3!

I would like to dedicate this chapter to:

Arbitary, Draco-Malfoy-Vegeta-luvr, Aliensmile13, Super Geek, Romm. Crazie4DracoMalfoy, Catgrl52, Makura Koneko, Kiya Kideackiy, Alybaby, Salem Cat, Ezmerelda, blackdragonofdeath13, Aiko-hime, lazy, krisleigh (thank you so much), Lisa-Ann (I agree ^_^!), demented sock money,Sweetchick23 (I promise I will), Sonja , vesu, Selita-Malfoy, eth, Sam ( you will really love me for this ^_^ haha), ; ), Kattaree Fengari, Amy, silverg3r, couch-potato01, dracochicas, I aMare I, Fire Soul, Loretta, venus723, Shadowwolf2371, katie janeway, Blue Rose, Brandi, Snowbear, ToykoBaby2040, Katherine (thank you so much!),  me, Draco (lol!), DazedPanda, DarkGurly819, ihavenoname, Miss Cassi (omg! Your review was just awesome), Punk Fairy (you are really too flattering =), StRaWbErRiEs AnD bLuEbErRiEs, evanescene-mudbloodpride, Magical Roses, Crackhead, Foxxie-kitty, heavengurl899, Indil Elondili, Phoenxystar, Kelli, She's A Star (thank you! ^_^ You really touched me), wolf and sierradogbaby! (lol! ^_^ You are last but not least again…)

Thank you!!! ^_^

To Alybaby: I agree that what Hermione does is just going to make Draco torture her even more. But I believe that's what Hermione would do, she's a fighter. ^_^

And about my spacing, I type with single line spacing but when I save in html format (so I can get italics, etc), it somehow turns into double line. So I'm sorry if my spacing irks anybody. ^_^

Chapter 6: The Final Act of Cruelty

   "Ouch."

   I had fallen asleep on the table and now my neck was paying the consequences.

   I smiled as I folded up the blanket Ron and Harry had placed on top of me. 

 I looked around for Draco's fan mail box. It wasn't at the place I left it last night.

  I gave a relieved sigh as I read the note on the table.

 "_Passed the box to Draco's cronies. __Laundry was a success."_

   I looked at my watch. Well, there's still time for a quick nap.

   I gave a rueful smile; I would certainly need it for later.

  "It feels just like Christmas," Ron squealed gleefully as we made our way to the Great Hall.

  "I don't know. I feel like I'm walking to the execution block," I said sardonically. "And it's my neck that's going onto that stand."

  "Come on, Hermione," Ron said shaking my arm furiously. "You loved the idea!"

  "Yeah, I still do," I gave a small smile. "But I'm just thinking about how much more I love my sanity."

  "Draco is going to slaughter me when his robes turn pink," I said, shaking my head. "And that's me being optimistic here."

   Harry gave me an encouraging pat on the shoulder. "Don't worry, he will have to get through us first."

  Ron nodded enthusiastically, "Besides, after the embarrassment of the pink robes, he will probably migrate to Siberia. And we will never have to see him again."

  I gave a wide smile to Ron. "Now _that_ feels like Christmas."

  Fred and George were already at the Gryffindors' table.  I had never seen them so happy before since Percy graduated from Hogwarts.

  "Look at my hands!" Fred cried as we sat down. 

  He gestured his hands wildly in front of us. "My fingers are trembling; I can't wait to see the pink parade!"

   George nodded in unison. "We are calling it Operation Pink Flamingoes."

  Fred looked at me like I was a goddess. "Hermione, this is the best gift anyone has ever given us. And for that, we promise to never play a single trick on you."

  I gave a small smile. "You wouldn't have much fun playing tricks on a dead body anyway."

  "Hermione!" Harry cried annoyed. "Didn't we discuss this?"

  "Yes, I'm just joking," I rolled my eyes at Harry.

  Although the truth was I was not joking at all.

  Soon the news had spread across the Gryffindors' table, despite several efforts to keep it a secret.

  Everybody in the Gryffindors' table were looking eagerly at the Slytherins as they ate their breakfast.

  Fred gave us a triumphant smile, "I think most of them are wearing the cloaks we _washed."_

  George looked at his watch. "In about a minute, all the robes worn will turn pink and Fred and I will go around shouting, "it's raining pink flamingoes!'"

  I put down my fork.

  I didn't think it would be very wise to eat anything, and then choke to death.

  I scanned the Slytherin's table for Draco.

  There he was, looking as smug as ever.

  I wonder how smug would he be in pink?

  "Ok! Now!" Fred cried and George and he jumped up from the table.

  "POP!"

   Everybody gasped, shocked, except for the Gryffindors of course. The Gryffindors all rolled around, unable to contain their glee.

  Like fireworks, half the table of Slytherin flashed pink. Some robes looked like baby clothing and there were many "Gryffindor Rules" and "DM sucks" robes too.

  I smiled as I saw that the other half of the table, all the girls either had the most awful colour of beige for their robes or prison stripes. It was indeed a fashion disaster and a major calamity for the Slytherin girls.

  "It's raining Pink Flamingoes!" Fred and George chanted as they did a weird dance, turning around in circles and clapping their hands wildly.

  All the Slytherins turned to the Gryffindor table, they looked venomously at us.

  At first the Slytherins were horrified and shouted vulgarities, but the table turned silent as Draco stood up and walked towards me.

  I sighed; well it was nice being in this world. I only wished my stay could have been longer.

  Hermione looked at me with wide-eyed innocence. "Is it Halloween, Malfoy? Why are you dressed up like a cotton candy?"

  I gave Hermione a cold smile. "I pity you, Granger. I really do."

 "You may think this is very clever," I continued maliciously. "Elaborate maybe, I will give you that. But ultimately childish and very silly."

  "You want to know why?" I said icily. "Look at all the Slytherins behind me, look at how you have offended them. Trust me, many of them have very very _twisted_ minds."

  "Is this the part where I tremble, shrivel up and die?" Hermione asked, voice dripping with sarcasm.

  I bent down and whispered into her ear. "I'm afraid it wouldn't be that easy."

  I felt the slightest shiver from Hermione.

  Satisfied I turned around and started to walk back to the table.

  I froze as I heard Hermione chuckling from behind.

  "Now that I think of it, it could have been the detergent." Hermione said, giving me an easy grin.

  "I promise to use something else next time I wash your laundry," Hermione continued smiling angelically. "Something much stronger."

  For a moment, I felt the strong urge to slap Hermione. Yet, I restrained myself.

  I never believed in hitting a woman.

  Even if that woman was Hermione, who could not possibly qualify as a woman. She was more a weird hybrid between a crow (her nonsense), an ox (her stubbornness) and a cow (because she just resembles one).

  "What can else can I say?" I smiled back at Hermione as pleasantly. "It's _your death sentence."_

  And made my way back to the Slytherin table, where everybody must have thought of at least 8 ways to kill Hermione.

  "Why that!" Ron said, about to get up from the table.

  Fred and George pushed him back down as they sat down back at the table. "Well, that was fun."

  "You don't have to put up with Draco you know," Ron said earnestly looking at me. "We don't have to keep our promises with a sleaze ball."

  I sighed. "I know, but a promise is a promise."

  "We won't let him hurt you," Harry said with deep conviction in his voice.

  "I know," I smiled. "I wouldn't let him hurt me either."

  As the rest continued their meals, I looked into my book bag and sighed as my glance rested on Megan's letter.

  I was definitely not the best cupid.

  "Why didn't you hex her or something?" Crabbe asked, fidgeting in his pink robe.

  "Yeah and have Dumbledore breathing down my back," I rolled my eyes.

  "Forget it," Goyle grunted. "Let's just think of how we are going to torture her now."

  "I going to set up a suggestion box in the common room for the Slytherins," Crabbe said, scratching his neck furiously. "I did bath this morning, why the heck is my neck so itchy?"

  "You are always dirty," Goyle rolled his eyes. "Anyway, I have thought of one."

 Goyle smiled evilly, "My foot."

  Crabbe laughed. "Yeah, how evil."

 Goyle looked indignant and started to take off his shoe.

  Crabbe and I turned green. 

  "God, that's not a foot, that's the lagoon monster," I cried, pinching my nose. "It's revolting."

  Goyle smiled proudly. "I know, let's get Granger to massage it."

  I laughed. "I can't believe I'm saying this but at this moment, I'm very proud of you, Goyle."

  "Draco? Can I speak to you for a moment?"

  I looked up, it was Susan or Polly or something.

   "Ok," I said.

  Susan or Polly or maybe Margaret looked at Crabbe and Goyle. "In private."

  Crabbe and Goyle blinked.

  I sighed, "Ok, I'm coming. This better be good."

  I followed the red-haired girl out of the classroom.

  The girl smiled nervously, "Well, I received your reply this morning."

  I looked bored.

  "I admit I was shocked, then I realize it didn't matter that you had problems..." She looked at me sympathetically. "I still love you no matter what, so I got you this."

  She passed me a brown package. "I got this from one of the girls."

  "What problems do I have, may I ask?" I asked coldly.

  "Well… you know…" She said, embarrassed. "Your bedwetting problem."

  My heart turned cold and I tore open the brown package.

  It held… pampers.

  Adult pampers.

  "It doesn't matter," She added consolingly," People grow out of it."

  "Get away from me," I glared at the girl and tossed the pampers back at her.

  "But… Draco…"

  I stormed back to the classroom, cursing Hermione under my breath.

 "Hi, Draco," Some boy I had never seen before walked up to me before I could enter the classroom.

  "Goodbye Riddance," I said coldly and was about to brush past the weird brown-haired boy when he grabbed my arm.

  "I heard about it," The boy smiled at me," And I just wanted to congratulate you for coming out of the closet."

  I snatched my arm back from the pest. "Yes, I know how good I look in pink."

 The boy laughed. "You are always so funny, Draco. I want you to know that you are welcome to join our club. All the boys just love you, you are one of the best-looking guys in Hogwarts. It's great that you have come out and dared to wear pink to show your new side."

  For a moment, I just stared at the weird boy.

 Unable to comprehend.

  Until I realized!!!

 "Are you gay?" I asked my eyes wide in disbelief.

  Hermione! That slut!

  "Proudly," The boy winked at me coquettishly," And may I add, very available and interested."

  At that very moment, I had made my decision.

  I didn't want to do it at first.

  The Final Act of Cruelty was too gruesome for me to even contemplate of executing on Hermione.

  I was compassionate at first, and decided not to do it.

 But who the hell cares now?

 Me gay? Can you believe it?

 That bloody girl deserves it!


	7. Going Quack!

I'm sorry for this rather late update, since I promised to update weekly. However, I feel sad to say that updates might be slower now… although I promise longer chapters. This chapter is REALLY long. This is because my parents want me to spend less time on the computers since I did so suckily for my exams. Yup, unless a miracle happens and I become a maths and science whiz. But miracles are unfortunately, mostly man-made. And therefore, I will have to try to work hard on my own.

  Oh, and before I do my dedications, I want to say THANK YOU! The feedback was really very encouraging and gave me lots of inspiration! I hope you like this chapter… which is not as crazy as any of the chapters so far… it's sort of a warm-up I guess for the next few chapters… the next chapter I promise is very interesting.

  Also, I would like to add the previous chapter was not a cliffhanger!!! I didn't know ppl wanted to know about the final act… and well now it's quite hyped… and I hope I don't disappoint you guys.

  Oh, and thank you so much for finding this story funny. That's like one of the best compliments since this is supposed to be a humorous fanfic! It's nice to know what makes you guys laugh. 

  Well, I can't tell if the next few chapters will be fluff funny… I see dark humor on the horizons… ok enough of me…

  This chapter is dedicated to:

Elijahsbaby1981, Sunshyne988, Crackhead, Aliensmile13, Dawniky, Super Geek, Brandy, blackdragonofdeath, Alexandra Trent, krisleigh, Foxxie-kitty, JDPhoenix, Amy O B, Ashley023, miss wings, Miss Cassi, sierradogbaby (^_^ haha, you are loved!), venus725, Strawberries And Blueberries, Tabii, ikke, Hello Kitty (ooh! I aim to be cruel! ^_^), Kyosnekozukigirl (thanks! ^_^), MarauderGirl (I try my best! ^_^), Kelli, Pampers, Kate (I can't really be definite. But it's blossoming…), Ezmerelda (^_^ Thanks! I love being cruel!), Red of Rose (thanks!!), Boy Crazy Magician Chick, shadowwolf2371, ema-hazel-ibit, sakura_angel90, James girl, vegetarianxtc, qudditch-playa-lova, Crystalline Lily, Phoenxystar, t baby (this is going to be a love story! ^_^ But I'm slow…), Draco-Malfoy-Vegeta-luvr, Lost Angel, koolcat (wow! Thanks!), Makura Koneko, mari, limachie, Befuzzled, kate janeway, venedy, Naoko Ten'ou, PunkFairy, tommygurl, essence-of-forever, Alybaby (^_^! Cos you are special!), draco (lol! Rolling along the floor in laughter…), Snowbear, Indil Elondili (haha! I sort of agree! ^_^ Harry's so sweet!), elvencherry07, Lisa Ann (lol!!), TheSilverLady, hpdancer92, Son of evil, Paige, Adreena, couch-potato01, chemically-unbalanced (thank q!), eth, Fire Soul, DarkGurly819, Loretta, wildchartermage, wolfy65, terry, rouge, Angel Tears, Chunky Monkey, Mary, She's A Star (Aww! You are always so sweet), Evie-du-grey, Kattaree Fengari, circus (hehe! ^_^ no hail u!!!), twoc2bcool, Sam (thanks a lot! Hermione wouldn't die! Though she would wish she could…), Tokyobaby2040 (you are very welcome!), heavengurl899, emy, WiKid Witch, Portal girl, Marissa, Ash, lazy, magicalferret, angel-kisses, freakyleopard, Gandella Raye, Rhianon, mila (yes! There is definite romance!), blood stained rose (every review is special to me! ^_^), Willow, Purtyflirt, Meena and Salem Cat!

*whew* wipes off a bead of sweat… I'm sorry if I could not reply everyone… simply no time and no more strength in my fingers…

till next time!

Chapter 7 : Going Quack

  "What's your name?" I asked, staring coldly at the brown-haired boy.

  "Umm…" He blushed, "Chris."

  "Ok, Chris," I said, pulling the collar of his robe tightly, "If you ever do what you just did to me again, your sexuality is the last thing you will have to worry about."

  I smiled maliciously as I let go off his collar, "Because I can assure you when I'm done with you, you will have no sexuality to talk about."

  "I uh…" The boy whimpered.

  I rolled my eyes and walked into the classroom.

 "And you can tell everybody in your gay support group, I'm _not interested."_

  "What's the matter?" Crabbe asked as I sat down.

  I clenched my fist, "Do you know what that stupid mudblood Granger did? She bloody replied to my fans that I wet my bed and I'm gay."

  Goyle blinked, "You mean you aren't?"

  I turned to face Goyle coolly, "Would you rather be blind or mute?"

Goyle turned pink and looked down on the floor, "Well, there's always girls chasing after you and you just like to play with their hearts then dump them… so well, I thought…"

  "Goyle, no one expects you to think, so don't," I said icily. 

  Goyle nodded, eyes still on the floor.

  "Well, I have decided to do the final act of cruelty on Hermione," I said languidly to Crabbe and Goyle as Professor Flitwick came into the class.

  "What the?" Crabbe cried as the class stood up to greet Professor Flitwick.

  "Yes, I know I said I wouldn't, because the very thought of doing it on her disgusts me. But she deserves it," I continued venomously, "I don't just want to break her physically, I want to break her very soul, her very being."

  "I'm going to make her fall madly in love with me, then dump her in the most degrading manner known to man. I'm not only going to break her heart, but make her break all those damn principles she holds so dear to her heart."

  "Open your books to page 187, we are going to do the Laughing Hyena charm today," Professor Flitwick announced to the class, looking pointedly at me.

  I flipped open the book, "I'm going to make Hermione cry like a weeping willow, I'm going to make her hate herself so much for letting herself fall in love with me."

  "What's more, "I smirked wickedly as Professor Flitwick glared at me again, "I'm going to traumatize Hermione so bad, when I'm done with her, she will be the one that's gay."

  "Come on, give me a smile," Harry said, nudging my shoulder, "I have told you all the jokes I know and you still wouldn't crack open your golden mouth."

  "Well, I can't help it. Malfoy's death threat did affect me a little," I said, reviewing the notes of the previous lesson.

  "And, your jokes were really not funny."

  Harry gave a small frown, "I thought the octopus joke was good. When I told Ron, he rolled on the floor for over an hour."

  "Maybe it's a boy thing," I shrugged as I kept my notes, "Where's Ron? If he doesn't come soon, I'm not waiting for him. I don't want to be late for class."

  "Oh, you may be a little spooked by Malfoy's death threat but of course your main concern is still punctuality," Harry said, giving me a goofy smile.

  "Ron's off telling his wonderful laundry story again, I don't know when he will want to come back down to earth and back to us," Harry rolled his eyes, "I have to admit the trick was pretty awesome, although most of the Slytherins have changed out of their robes. I heard they had to throw away the rest of the laundry, as it's _tainted."_

  I gave Harry a small smile, "Malfoy did want my _feminine_ touch. Perhaps, it turned out a little too pink."

  "Hermione! You wouldn't believe this!" Ron cried as he ran straight into me.

  I ducked Ron in time as Harry grabbed hold of a crazy Ron.

  "I just heard some Slytherins gossiping about what Draco is going to make you do during dinner!" Ron said, wincing, "And by the sounds of it, it's disgusting."

  "What? Is he going to kiss me?" I snorted. "I can't imagine anything more disgusting."

  "No, his going to make you massage Goyle's foot," Ron said, spitting at the word foot.

  "I admit its stomach turning," I sighed, "But I will deal."

  "No! Goyle's foot is no ordinary foot!" Ron cried, shaking his head furiously.

  "He has seven toes?" Harry laughed.

  "No, his leg is like some kind of mutant species!" Ron said, then pointing furiously to Harry. "Remember that time you showed me a drawing of Godzilla? It's like Godzilla reincarnated into Goyle's foot!"

  "It's horrible… horrible…" Ron said, shaking his head. "It's like some kind of nuclear weapon… and you will have to touch it!"

  I gave Ron a scathing smile, "Thanks, Ron. You are a real pal."

  "Oh… I'm sorry," Ron said, "But… I thought you would like to know."

  I gave a small smile to Ron despite having the strong desire to puke instead.

  Goyle's foot sounded… so inhuman. How can he have such a foot? How can he walk around with such a foot?

  Would there be moss and fungus?

  No… I didn't want to know.

  "Oh my god!" I cried, "I know what to do!"

  I turned to Harry, "Help me take care of my books, ok?"

  Harry and Ron cried after me as I started running, "Where the hell are you going, Hermione?"

  "The library," I said and disappeared into the crowd of students.

  "Well, she has finally done it," Ron said, shaking his head sadly, "She has finally lost it. I knew too much homework was bad for you."

  Harry laughed as he picked up Hermione's book bag, "God! Why does Hermione's books weigh so much more than ours?"

  "Because she always goes for the extended version," Ron said, still shaking his head, "Do you think we can do anything? Has Hermione fallen too far from the edge?"

  Harry smiled, "She's not crazy."

 "Yes, she is," Ron said stubbornly, "How in the world is Hermione's sacred library going to save her from Goyle's foot? Huh? Can you tell me?"

  "That's the difference between a normal brain and a genius brain," Harry smiled. "Hermione knows and I don't."

  "Yeah, genius and insanity… who can tell the difference?" Ron snorted.

  Harry laughed, "Ron, trust me, if Hermione says she knows what she's doing, she knows."

  "Many times I have thought to myself, we are lucky Hermione's brain doesn't work for the dark side."

  Ron paused for a moment, "Well, in my opinion, it looks like it doesn't work anymore."

 "Draco!" squealed the most annoying voice on earth.

  "I'm not in the mood," I scowled and continued walking.

  "Quack! Quack!"

  "But Draco!"

 I turned around to find myself face to face with a duck.

  "Wow, Pansy. Have you gone for plastic surgery? I think your new bill really suits you," I remarked dryly.

  "No!" Pansy blushed and passed me the duck. "I transfigured it for you from a sharpener, since you wrote to me about your obsession with ducks."

  I gave a cruel smile, "I did, didn't I?"

  "Do you like it?" Pansy looked at me eagerly.

  I looked at the yellow duck with weird beady eyes staring eerily at me, "It's perfect! I love it."

   "You do?" Pansy squealed, beaming with pride.

  Then she bent towards me, whispering. "Well, maybe because I transfigured it from a sharpener, it loves to eat pencils."

  I nodded my head, "Ok, now begone would you?"

  "Er… would you like me to transfigure more ducks?" Pansy said, unwilling to leave.

  I paused for a moment, picturing Hermione surrounded by tons of creepy yellow ducks.

  It appealed to me tremendously.

  But, then it might be harder for her to fall in love with me.

  After all, I'm already making her massage Goyle's foot… which should be strong enough a test whether her love for me is true.

  "No," I said coldly and walked away from Pansy with the dreaded duck in hand.

  "Granger!"

  I continued walking.

  Just pretend you didn't hear it!

  "I order you to stop!"

  I'm deaf… deaf… deaf…

  "I order you to stop pretending you are deaf and stop right there!"

  I scowled and stopped, "What is it, pink master?"

  Draco gave me a pleasant smile, "I do look good in pink don't I? I thought of changing my robe but decided why should I? I look fabulous in everything."

  "Oh, you do, you do," I said in a very dreary tone, "I have urgent matters to attend to, can you please not talk to me?"  
  


  And then I stood stunned as I saw the duck in Draco's hand. "Is that what I think it is?"

  "Meet Granger," Draco smiled as he pushed the duck into my face.

  "Are you talking to me or the duck?" I said dumbly.

  "Well, I guess it applies to both," Draco said.

  He looked at the duck and pointed to me, "Meet Granger."

  Then he smiled at me and pointed to the duck, "Meet Granger."

  "You name the duck after me?" I gasped. 

  "Yes, I found the similarities between the two of you startling," Draco smiled patronizingly at me.

  "Yes, after all I do have yellow fur and a big bill," I said dryly.

  "Not to forget, both of you talk all day, and yet nobody understands the quack of what you two are saying," Draco smiled.

  As if to prove a point, the duck quacked.

  "Now hold it properly, it's my precious pet," Draco said, passing the duck to me. "I expect the best care for it."

  "Of course, I can see how you can love this thing," I said as the duck's beady eyes stared evilly at me.

  "Don't you dare transfigure it into an eraser or something to get rid of it," Draco continued, "I expect you to use your precious principles and treat the duck with tender loving care. After all, I'm obsessed with ducks and I don't want my duck to get hurt."

  I gave a small scowl, "So you have gotten some feedback from your fan mail huh?"

  "A resounding response," Draco said through clenched teeth.

  "I take it you will reply your fan mail by yourself the next time?" I asked Draco innocently.

  Draco didn't answer me but started to turn away, "I have to go now… lots of stuff to do. Bye Grangers…"

  I watched as Draco left, but not before saying.

 "Oh and you might want to bring lotion for dinner. Trust me, you will need it."

  I said nothing as I narrowed my eyes at Draco's back.

  Just you wait! Once I find that book, you are going to regret ever asking me to massage Goyle's foot.

  "Quack!" The duck quacked reproachfully.

  "Trust me," I looked at the duck, "I don't want you as much as you don't want me."

  "Hermione!" I heard Harry and Ron call after me.

 Ron looked at me strangely, he had probably seen me talking to the duck.

 "Have you checked the library…" Harry paused as he saw the duck I was holding.

  "Er… long story, no time!" I said as I passed Ron the duck. "Take good care of it! If you kill it, I'm dead!"

  I ran off into the crowd towards the library again.

  For a moment, Harry and Ron said nothing as they stared at the duck in Ron's hand.

  Finally, Ron broke the silence.

  "I _told you Hermione has gone quacked."_


End file.
